Is entirely true. Just to clear that up.
- GUY: COMING SOON TO A STROUDSBERG NEAR YOU PRESENTING "SONIC DRIVE IN" YEAH!
- ME: Balls
- GUY: WHATS UP BRO'? WHERE HAVE U BEEN? CALL ME IT'S FREE!
- ME: Who is this?
- GUY: VINNIE!
- ME: Vinnie who?
- GUY: DAWN'S EX! IS THIS WILL?
- ME: yeah. What up man?
- GUY: CAN I CALL U YOU HAVE AT& T GO PHONE RIGHT?
- ME: Nah, not anymore. New phone. I'm busy right now, though. What's up?
- GUY: TALKING 2 UR MOM
- ME: Yeh me n her dont talk much anymore
- GUY: OH! WHEN WE GOING 2GET 2GETHER 4 A DRINK?
- ME: I dont drinlk anymore. I have alcoholism. I crashed my car into a horse!
- GUY: KEWL ON THE DRINKING BUT OOOPS ON THE HOUSE! WE COULD STILL HANG OUT ONE DAY.
- ME: Yeah man. What do u have in mind?
- GUY: WHO KNOWS SUMTHING CRAZY
- ME: Lets fuck shit up and just punch random old people.
- GUY: THAT WORKS 4 ME!
- ME: So dude what u been up to lately?
- GUY: NOT 2 MUCH! U HERD WHT HAPPENED 2 ME @WORK RIGHT?
- ME: Nope i wuz in a coma from the horse crash. What happened?
- GUY: I ALMOST LOST MY FOOT! I WAS IN AND OUT OF THE HOSPITAL 3 TIMES 4 SURGEERIES! I'LL NEVER WALK NORMAL AGAIN!
- ME: Holy shit I lost three toes in the horse crash! I was in the hospital 2!!!!!
- GUY: DID U SAY "HORSE"?
- ME: Yeh I hit a horse with my car. Crazy equine shit, right?
- GUY: THATS FUNNY as SHIT but also fucked up! HAY u didn't c it?
- GUY: U STILL WITH MARIA?
- ME: Not really. I havent seen her since the accident. U talk to her lately?
- GUY: NAH
- GUY: HAVE U SEEN OUR FRIEND KELLY? SHE WAS KINDA KEWL!
- ME: Yeah she was in the car when we hit the horse...
- GUY: OOO WHAT WAS SHE DOIN'? ROAD FUN!
- ME: Yeah we had sex right b4 the horses came out of nowhere! ...I miss kelly...
- GUY: HOW IS SHE? DON'T EVEN GIVE ME BAD NEWS DUDE I'LL FLIP THAT NOBODY TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED UNTIL NOW!
- ME: Shes fine I guess. Out of it for a while, still it was worth it!!!!!! HORSE CRASH BJ!!!!
- GUY: LIKE I SAID FUNNY AS SHIT! GOT PICS? WHERE'S MY B.J?
- ME: HAHA?
- GUY: C WE CAN ALL LAUGH @ SHIT THAT HAPPENS 2 US L8R IN LIFE. CALL ME 2NITE MAYBE WE CAN ALLMEET UP THIS WEEKEND (KELLY, DAWN, ME YOU)
- ME: Yeah man crack sum beers? Also dawn might not want 2 c me.
- GUY: WHY WHAT DID U DO?
- ME: I broke her zune mp3 player.
- GUY: OOH THE WORLD IS GONNA END HERE ZUNE GOT BROKE!
- GUY(10 minutes later): Cheap non-color.
Here’s the second installment of things that are Interesting (with a capital “i”), Funny (with a capital “q” [LOL!]) or Nonsense (with a capital “n”).
Interesting (teach yourself Latin or Greek)
Funny/Nonsense (dogs that aren’t right-side up)
I’m working on new jokes. They are shiny and they are polite. They are also personified.
#1. Cover him in sand.