I’m starting an all white jazz band - the anglo-saxophones.
A few weeks ago, a friend of mine was writing a paper. I was with him, and I offered to help. Some of it was already written, of course, but the rest… ————————————- US History of Pop Culture-2 Midterm Essay 10/13/08 Popular culture has had a profound effect on the virtues of a democratic society – unity,...
Another haiku, this one about the internet: LOLOL LOLOLOL LOLOL
I saw guys playing volleyball, and they were playing shirts and skins. You know, in case they forget what team they are on, or in case they accidentally stop being douchebags.
I’m so bored of trustees.
I’m on this internet plan…I know I should change, but….I only get one Google a day, and then it is 40 cents for every Google thereafter.
I’m a vegetarian, so where meat is concerned I just let my girlfriend handle it. You know.
This is a haiku I do not like haiku’s, so… uh, like, you know, uh….
I wonder what rapists do on “take your kid to work day”. I mean, I just wonder that sometimes.
Someone asked me the other day if “!” is a “exclaimation point” or “exclaimation mark”. They both work, I guess, but “exclaimation point” has the added benefit of not sounding like a nickname for a total douche.
I was in the Existentialist Club in high school. We never met, because, I mean, what was the point? I WAS Treasurer though. Big man on campus.
I’m not racist — I have a lot of friends in prison.
Mighty Orphan Power Rangers - they morph into, you know…normal kids, with parents.
Isn’t it weird that the Declaration of Independence talks about The Pursuit of Happiness? I mean, it was a good movie, I guess.
I don’t have many friends, probably because when people ask me what my major is, I say “small talk” and just stare at them until they go away. My minor is care of magical creatures, if anyone cares.
Box wine is so bad! (How bad is it?) It’s so bad I heard they tested it on mice and they all quit their jobs. Their mouse jobs.
No one seems to want to develop my asstop computer. It’s better ergonomically, trust me.
I was watching the Olympics…say, wasn’t Usain Bolt that guy from COPS? He got away every time!
(to be sung) I would do anything for love, but I won’t do fat.
I was really hoping for a Knight’s Tale 2.
I’m working on a show for Disney called “Frankly, Anne”. She survived the Holocaust and now has to deal with the incredible harshness of high school. Can she make it? With Ray Ramono as her ex-nazi history teacher, I think so. She also has an alter-ego who is a pop star.
Starbucks is the only place where someone can look you square in the eye and say “here’s your steamer”. Because usually you’ll just notice.
And by busy, I mean sitting on the couch drinking my mom’s wine and watching Hellboy - the first one - on FX.
Her: “Can you tell me the basics of cleanliness?” Me (charmingly): “Sure, I’ll tell you about the birds and fabreeze.”
If I could give any advice to a homeless person, it would be to think outside the box.
I’ll be the papa to your roach.
I wish I had bullied people when I was in high school, so that I could call them and apologize. I was nice, and now I have way too much free time.
Have you ever heard of that bestiality site…what’s it called….throwing your bone a dog?
I often wonder if the person who first came up with the phrase “there’s nothing new under the sun” didn’t get the irony or if he honestly thought he had heard the phrase somewhere before.
I’m writing a sequel to “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, He’s Gonna Want Some Milk”. It’s a parenting book tentatively titled “If You Give A Baby Absinthe, You’re Gonna Need A Doctor”.
I find it ironic when fat people have crushes.
If scarves are just glorified rectangles, aren’t gloves just glorified hand socks?